This is a historic day in our household.
I’m about to leave this morning with my wife to take my daughter to college. We are officially going to be empty nesters. I have a 21-year-old and an 18-year-old, and they will both be away at school this year.
Because both of my children are now adults and leaving the house, we decided it was time to hold our very first family financial meeting. My wife and I have always managed everything on our own, and while we’ve talked openly about money with our kids since they were little, they had never actually seen our accounts.
That changed this morning. I wanted to tell them exactly what we have, where it is, and what they need to do if something ever happens to us.
Laying Everything on the Table
We sat down, and I showed them every single one of our financial accounts.
I walked them through our banking at USAA, our brokerage accounts, and all of our business accounts. I showed them exactly where to find our passwords and how to access my password keeper. I opened my computer and introduced them to our ICE (In Case of Emergency) binder, showing them where the digital copy lives and where to find the physical safety deposit box key.
But I didn’t stop at the numbers. I explained the “why” behind the accounts. We discussed:
Insurance: We reviewed our long-term care insurance, the life insurance policy attached to it, and the philosophy behind why we need it. I also explained why we decided to get rid of most of our life insurance policies once we became financially independent, as well as why we don’t need disability policies anymore.
Asset Allocation: I walked them through the specific amounts in our brokerage and bank accounts. We talked about the philosophy behind our asset allocation, what we needed during our accumulation phase, and my plans for drawing those accounts down in the future.
Estate Planning: My wife and I have an estate plan and trusts in place, which are all stored in our safety deposit box. Even though our kids know they are the beneficiaries and eventually receive everything on death, we use designated beneficiaries and transfer-on-death forms to bypass most of our trusts entirely. I went through each account with my kids to show them exactly how to access those funds directly.
This was the easy part.
The Real Reason for the Meeting
Next, I told them exactly what to do if something happens to my wife and me.
I outlined the kind of funeral and burial I want, and my wife did the same. We assured them that we’ve lived good, full lives, and if tragedy strikes, we don’t want them to panic. We gave them explicit instructions on what we want them to do with their lives and our money. We have wills and trusts to handle the legalities, but because those bypass the probate process via transfer-on-death forms, we wanted them to have absolute clarity on what to do with those assets.
But the point of this family meeting wasn’t just to hand over a morbid checklist. It was to help them understand exactly where we are, so they know what to do for themselves.
Up until now, my wife and I have managed our wealth—and the wealth our kids enjoy, like paying for college and their living expenses. It’s very clear to me that this phase is ending soon. They are going out into the world to make their own money.
I want them to know how to set up their own accounts, build their own lives, and secure their own financial futures. This meeting wasn’t just about informing them of our information; it was a way to model the exact financial behavior I think they truly need.
I plan to repeat this meeting once a year to update our information, review passwords, and check the ICE binder. We’ll have this conversation every August or September before they go back to school. It’s going to be a family habit that we carry out for the next few decades so we are always on the same page.
I don’t know if you are having these family meetings or not. I certainly hadn’t before today. But as I prepare to drop my children off and let them fly on their own, doing this has given me a massive amount of peace of mind.
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I’m curious why you think it’s important to share details about how much you have in different accounts? Personally, I don’t think that matters as much as sharing your investment philosophy and why you have set things up the way you have. In fact, I wonder if there’s inherent risks in sharing the “how much” vs just the how and the why.
I am honestly floored—you are describing almost exactly what I have been building, right down to the annual family meeting!
My version is a little more digital and begins while our children are still young adults. Instead of continually copying passwords and account details into a book, I am making sure my family will be able to access our password manager and Monarch Money, which provides a consolidated view of our accounts. Important original documents and a backup drive of scanned records and family photos will be kept in a safe-deposit box and electronic versions in a shared family folder online.
I am also creating a family guide that explains not just what we have, but what to do: who to call, which benefits and insurance should not be canceled, how survivor benefits and health coverage work, where legal documents are located, and which fee-only CFPs, attorneys, bank contacts, and other trusted professionals can help. It covers incapacity as well as death, and includes guidance for both the surviving-spouse scenario and the possibility that both parents are gone.
But what astonished me most was the annual meeting. We are planning our first Carter Family Celebration Dinner for mid-February. We will review the previous calendar year, celebrate what went well, discuss our financial position and upcoming plans, and help our children understand the reasoning behind our decisions—not merely show them account balances. Eventually, I would love to make this meeting part of every family vacation, perhaps on the second-to-last evening.
The goal is not simply to leave organized records. It is to gradually transfer knowledge, context, confidence, and family values while we are still here. Your post made me feel both wonderfully validated and much less alone!