Are you sending your kids into the world blind to your finances? Here is why a full-disclosure family meeting is the greatest safety net you can give them.
I’m curious why you think it’s important to share details about how much you have in different accounts? Personally, I don’t think that matters as much as sharing your investment philosophy and why you have set things up the way you have. In fact, I wonder if there’s inherent risks in sharing the “how much” vs just the how and the why.
The amount helps the kids understand what enough money looks like and how we deploy it. Can discuss safe withdrawal rates. The actual accounts help them understand rules: like bonds in tax protected accounts. They also can see things like stock-bond spread. US vs international. Etc. I see no risks in sharing “how much”. They are adults..if parental wealth is going to stop them from building their own wealth…then maybe they never would have in the first place anyway.
I’m not necessarily advocating NOT to share explicitly how much you have. But I do respectfully disagree that there are “no risks” simply because they are “adults”. It really depends.
I am honestly floored—you are describing almost exactly what I have been building, right down to the annual family meeting!
My version is a little more digital and begins while our children are still young adults. Instead of continually copying passwords and account details into a book, I am making sure my family will be able to access our password manager and Monarch Money, which provides a consolidated view of our accounts. Important original documents and a backup drive of scanned records and family photos will be kept in a safe-deposit box and electronic versions in a shared family folder online.
I am also creating a family guide that explains not just what we have, but what to do: who to call, which benefits and insurance should not be canceled, how survivor benefits and health coverage work, where legal documents are located, and which fee-only CFPs, attorneys, bank contacts, and other trusted professionals can help. It covers incapacity as well as death, and includes guidance for both the surviving-spouse scenario and the possibility that both parents are gone.
But what astonished me most was the annual meeting. We are planning our first Carter Family Celebration Dinner for mid-February. We will review the previous calendar year, celebrate what went well, discuss our financial position and upcoming plans, and help our children understand the reasoning behind our decisions—not merely show them account balances. Eventually, I would love to make this meeting part of every family vacation, perhaps on the second-to-last evening.
The goal is not simply to leave organized records. It is to gradually transfer knowledge, context, confidence, and family values while we are still here. Your post made me feel both wonderfully validated and much less alone!
Good article! We did something similar, but it was in stages. Our son had plenty on his plate when he left for college and while he knew all about how his next four years would be financed, we did not give details about where we wanted to be buried and those kind of details. We figured that might be a bit too dark for him, at a time he should be exploring the potentials of a college education.
However, everything was written as a "Dear Son" kind of letter with 15+ pages of details, placed in an easy to find location and we told him exactly where to find this, along with our family trust papers. We told him all the details he would need would be in those papers. We did not discuss exact amounts since they change all the time. But is it gratifying to know he understands our approach to finance and he actually decided to use the same financial advisor the we do.
We have been having a variety of these types of discussions for several years. It started when our kids were about 13 and 16 and we lost a couple from our church (mom and dad of kids close to my kids ages) in a CO accident. I saw how the extended family struggled to even find all of the info that they needed. I created the "if we die start here" document that at least gives someone a place to start (and includes some info in case all four of us were to somehow go at once). As the kids have gotten older (now 22 and 25), the discussions have evolved to include concepts like withdrawal strategies related to the 10-year rule. We don't have a set time that we have a meeting, but the discussions are just open and ongoing. I think this is such a good practice. Having dealt with the loss of 3 of our 4 parents (including one lengthy probate nightmare), we have plenty of lessons learned to pass along.
Its about the timing. When to open it all up. So we decided that we wait till the youngest child graduates finds a job and starts living independently. We will have the family meeting in 2027 and open up all the books and explain the philosophy. We are in the process of creating the Trusts and setting up the framework. Wills are done. Thanks from India.
I’m curious why you think it’s important to share details about how much you have in different accounts? Personally, I don’t think that matters as much as sharing your investment philosophy and why you have set things up the way you have. In fact, I wonder if there’s inherent risks in sharing the “how much” vs just the how and the why.
The amount helps the kids understand what enough money looks like and how we deploy it. Can discuss safe withdrawal rates. The actual accounts help them understand rules: like bonds in tax protected accounts. They also can see things like stock-bond spread. US vs international. Etc. I see no risks in sharing “how much”. They are adults..if parental wealth is going to stop them from building their own wealth…then maybe they never would have in the first place anyway.
I’m not necessarily advocating NOT to share explicitly how much you have. But I do respectfully disagree that there are “no risks” simply because they are “adults”. It really depends.
I am honestly floored—you are describing almost exactly what I have been building, right down to the annual family meeting!
My version is a little more digital and begins while our children are still young adults. Instead of continually copying passwords and account details into a book, I am making sure my family will be able to access our password manager and Monarch Money, which provides a consolidated view of our accounts. Important original documents and a backup drive of scanned records and family photos will be kept in a safe-deposit box and electronic versions in a shared family folder online.
I am also creating a family guide that explains not just what we have, but what to do: who to call, which benefits and insurance should not be canceled, how survivor benefits and health coverage work, where legal documents are located, and which fee-only CFPs, attorneys, bank contacts, and other trusted professionals can help. It covers incapacity as well as death, and includes guidance for both the surviving-spouse scenario and the possibility that both parents are gone.
But what astonished me most was the annual meeting. We are planning our first Carter Family Celebration Dinner for mid-February. We will review the previous calendar year, celebrate what went well, discuss our financial position and upcoming plans, and help our children understand the reasoning behind our decisions—not merely show them account balances. Eventually, I would love to make this meeting part of every family vacation, perhaps on the second-to-last evening.
The goal is not simply to leave organized records. It is to gradually transfer knowledge, context, confidence, and family values while we are still here. Your post made me feel both wonderfully validated and much less alone!
Good article! We did something similar, but it was in stages. Our son had plenty on his plate when he left for college and while he knew all about how his next four years would be financed, we did not give details about where we wanted to be buried and those kind of details. We figured that might be a bit too dark for him, at a time he should be exploring the potentials of a college education.
However, everything was written as a "Dear Son" kind of letter with 15+ pages of details, placed in an easy to find location and we told him exactly where to find this, along with our family trust papers. We told him all the details he would need would be in those papers. We did not discuss exact amounts since they change all the time. But is it gratifying to know he understands our approach to finance and he actually decided to use the same financial advisor the we do.
I wish every parent or elder would do this. It removes so much mystery.
We have been having a variety of these types of discussions for several years. It started when our kids were about 13 and 16 and we lost a couple from our church (mom and dad of kids close to my kids ages) in a CO accident. I saw how the extended family struggled to even find all of the info that they needed. I created the "if we die start here" document that at least gives someone a place to start (and includes some info in case all four of us were to somehow go at once). As the kids have gotten older (now 22 and 25), the discussions have evolved to include concepts like withdrawal strategies related to the 10-year rule. We don't have a set time that we have a meeting, but the discussions are just open and ongoing. I think this is such a good practice. Having dealt with the loss of 3 of our 4 parents (including one lengthy probate nightmare), we have plenty of lessons learned to pass along.
Its about the timing. When to open it all up. So we decided that we wait till the youngest child graduates finds a job and starts living independently. We will have the family meeting in 2027 and open up all the books and explain the philosophy. We are in the process of creating the Trusts and setting up the framework. Wills are done. Thanks from India.