I was going to start this post with a catchy story to really drive home the idea, but I have decided against it. No metaphors. No slick explanations. Just the plain and simple truth:
If people are your purpose then you are a victim of generational trauma.
There, I said it. Now, I will wait for the boos and hissing. I know this is an unpopular viewpoint. I know that when I ask people about purpose, the go to answer is: my family. It is an easy answer. A virtuous answer. But also an answer that I think does more harm than good.
The genesis of this viewpoint, the idea of people being a purpose anchor, comes from a history of trauma, suffering, and an inability to move past Maslow’s most basic levels of safety and security. Let’s be real, for many centuries of poverty, war, and mayhem, the soul guiding light of most people’s lives was to not only survive but to protect their children and loved ones.
This makes sense. In many ways the past was not pretty and many of our ancestors suffered. They couldn’t afford the energy or time to build a sense of purpose above and beyond the basics. But guess what?
You can!
You live in a world of abundance and safety compared to your ancestors. You likely have free time, free energy, and excess wealth. You no longer have to bend your energy and attention to just mere survival. Because your ancestors did, they became victims of generational trauma. They saw their loved ones starve, get murdered, or suffer under the auspices of too little. They passed down this trauma narrative over the generations and guess who has become the recipient of all this angst?
That’s right, you!
You might think that people are your purpose, but I would argue that you now live in a time where those same people are better served by you discovering your own little p purpose outside of them.
Let’s take your kids as an example. We have over-idealized the role of parents as grand sacrificers. And the reason we do this is twofold. One is the generational trauma I have been mentioning and the other is called the myth of joyful parenthood.[1] This term arose from a study in 2011 conducted by two psychological scientists at the University of Waterloo. The study revealed an interesting contradiction: parents justified the significant emotional and financial investment in raising children by convincing themselves that the emotional rewards must be worth more than the numerous sacrifices, even if they didn’t always feel those rewards directly.
So what happens when you model such behavior to your children? They learn that purpose looks not like investing in intentional activities that light them up, but instead sacrificing yourself for children who probably would be just fine without such a sacrifice.
What will these children do as adults? They will continue this generational trauma script and do exactly what their parents did: live for their children. Their children, however, will one day grow up and move away.
What will they do then?
The same goes for a spouse, a parent, or whomever you decide to dedicate your life to serving. Instead of handing them a hot pile of generational trauma, you are better off passing on something far more superior: generational growth.
You do this by pursuing little p purpose.
Did you catch this week’s episode of Earn & Invest (Click to listen)?
Path to Purpose Coaching
Over the last year, writing my new book The Purpose Code, I have spent a huge amount of time thinking about, writing about, and discussing purpose. I have offered one-on-one and group coaching to my mastermind group, Wealth With Purpose. These discussions stem from my real life encounters with dying hospice patients as well as the numerous interactions I have had with people after reading Taking Stock.
What I've found is that most of us who listen to the Earn & Invest Podcast struggle with three basic issues:
How do I define purpose in my life?
How do I transition to a more fulfilling career?
What is enough money look like? Enough life?
To help navigate these waters, I have decided to offer the Path to Purpose coaching program. This is one-on-one coaching with me to help you further define purpose, direction, and career. Sessions will be spread over five weeks with a goal to provide a more concrete and enjoyable path to crack the purpose code and start living your life now whether you are broke, pre financial independence, financially independent, or beyond.
https://www.earnandinvest.com/coaching
[1] https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/were-only-human/the-myth-of-joyful-parenthood.html#:~:text=They%20suspect%20that%20the%20belief,huge%20investment%20that%20kids%20require.