I have nothing against goals. In fact, I often argue that we should be goal-agnostic rather than goal-phobic. Goals are not a badge of the destructive form of purpose—big-P Purpose—but rather a byproduct of it. Many people, including myself, joyfully incorporate goals into our sense of purpose without relying on them for happiness. Accomplishing a goal is simply a happy side effect of doing what lights us up. If we don’t reach the summit?
No big deal.
However, making goals the centerpiece of your happiness can lead to anything but. Most who navigate life this way set themselves up for disappointment and discouragement. Why? There are three main reasons.
Disappointment
When we set our sights on big, audacious goals, we often aim for achievements that are exceedingly difficult. It might be becoming president, making a billion dollars, or curing cancer. The problem is that these goals are often unattainable. You need to be the right person, at the right time, saying the right things, with a good deal of luck. And let’s not forget genetics—not everyone can become a professional basketball player.
If this is what purpose looks like to you, you have a 99.5% chance of failure. Failure is disappointing. We’re setting ourselves up for frustration right from the start.
Doubling Down
Let’s say your goals are more modest. Suppose you aim to become a millionaire. The money itself means little to you, but it becomes your sole focus. After years of effort, you might eventually achieve your goal.
Hooray! What then?
Unfortunately, when we set these significant goals with little personal meaning, anxiety often returns quickly after reaching the pinnacle. What’s next? What more mountains must I climb? Is life over?
The easiest answer is to double down. If one million was good, how about two? If we conquered Mount Rainier, let’s aim for Everest. We find ourselves on an achievement treadmill where the process of reaching goals becomes anxiety-provoking and tiresome. Even if we reach the next peak, we’ve spent 95% of our time on tasks we didn’t enjoy, just to relish the 5% of time we felt happy. That happiness soon fades, and we double down again.
Loss Aversion
Some of us never even reach the doubling down stage. We achieve our big audacious goal, like amassing a million dollars, and then become terrified of losing what we worked so hard to obtain.
What if the stock market crashes? What if an unexpected medical expense arises? What if I lose my job?
The fear and anxiety may double compared to the anxiety we felt about not reaching our goal in the first place. Unfortunately, we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line is that big audacious goals don’t seem to bring us closer to happiness. They might for a moment, but we quickly return to a baseline. As I’ve said many times, you can’t purpose your way to enough. If you feel you don’t have enough money, accolades, or respect, getting more won’t necessarily make you happier.
It’s better to focus on the little everyday things that bring you joy. Choose the process over the product. Embrace the pathway rather than fixating on the destination. Become the person you want to be, and don’t worry so much about the goals.
A runner becomes a runner by starting to run, not by finishing a marathon.
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I worked for many years as a sports coach, and in that role I arranged workshops with an excellent sports psychologist for the students. She did a great job educating all of us about process goals vs outcome goals. In many cases, we don’t have control over the outcome; but, we can set achievable process goals that help us act with decisiveness whether or not the desired outcome is achieved. The students often set outcome goals, but it was the focus on process goals that kept them grounded when the pressure was high.