Stop Chasing Money First

Why purpose, identity, and connection should come before your financial plan

By far, the biggest mistake I see young people make is putting finances first.

I understand the instinct. Money feels like safety. It feels like control. It feels like the foundation upon which everything else is built. So you tell yourself: Let me just get financially secure, and then I’ll figure out the rest.

But here’s the problem. When you focus on money first, it quietly becomes your goal. Not your tool. Not your support system. Your goal.

And goals have a funny way of shaping behavior.

You work harder. You optimize. You chase promotions, raises, net worth milestones. Eventually, if you’re disciplined and a little lucky, you get there. You hit the number you once thought would change everything.

And then something unexpected happens.

Nothing changes.

Because you never defined what “a good life” actually looks like, you default to the only system you know: you keep going. You jump right back on the treadmill and run even faster this time.

That’s the trap. Not the lack of money, but the lack of intention.

So here’s a radical suggestion, especially if you’re early in your journey: put your finances aside for a moment. Not forever. Just long enough to ask better questions.

Instead of starting with money, start with three things: purpose, identity, and connection.

Everything else can be built around that.

Let’s start with purpose.

Purpose isn’t your job title. It’s not your resume. It’s not even necessarily how you make money. Purpose is much simpler, and much harder at the same time.

It’s what lights you up.

What pulls you into a flow state where time disappears? What are the quiet whisperings in your life, the things that keep tapping you on the shoulder even when you ignore them? What fills your heart in a way that feels almost irrational?

Those are clues.

And here’s the important part: you don’t need permission—or a paycheck—to start exploring them. Maybe your purpose shows up in your career, but often it doesn’t, at least not at first. Sometimes you work your nine-to-five and then you build your purpose on nights and weekends.

That’s not failure. That’s experimentation.

Before you figure out how to make money, figure out what makes you come alive.

Then there’s identity.

This one is sneakier.

Ask yourself a simple question: I am… and fill in the blank.

It sounds easy. It’s not. Most people start with roles. I am a lawyer. I am a parent. I am a manager. Then they move to achievements. I am successful. I am driven. But if you keep digging, those answers start to feel incomplete.

Identity isn’t what you do. It’s who you are at your core.

For years, I thought my identity was being a doctor. It was neat, clean, socially validated. But it never fully fit. Eventually, I realized something deeper: I’m a communicator. I’m someone who feels most alive when I’m sharing ideas through podcasting, writing, speaking, storytelling.

That shift changed everything.

Because identity sets intention. It defines the lens through which you approach your life. Once you understand who you are, you can pursue purpose in a way that actually feels aligned instead of forced.

Identity is the “why.” Purpose is the “what.”

And then there’s connection.

This is where it all comes together.

Connections are the people you surround yourself with. Some of them are given—family, old friends, the people who happen to live near you. But many of the most meaningful connections in your life will be chosen, not assigned.

And here’s the key: your identity and purpose determine who those people are.

When you know who you are and you start acting on what lights you up, you naturally begin to find others doing the same. You stumble into communities, collaborations, conversations that feel energizing instead of draining.

These people become your ecosystem.

They are your peers, your teachers, your students. They challenge you, support you, and reflect parts of yourself back to you that you might not see otherwise.

In many ways, they become the scaffolding of your life. And none of this requires financial independence to begin.

Which brings us back to money.

Once you’ve spent time exploring purpose, clarifying identity, and building connections, then, and only then, does it make sense to design your financial framework.

Because now money has a job.

For some people, that job will be to accelerate the path. They’ll work intensely, save aggressively, and aim for early financial independence so they can spend more time on what matters.

For others, the path will look slower and more integrated. They’ll choose careers that align with their purpose, even if the pay is lower, because the work itself is meaningful. Financial independence might come later, but the journey will feel richer.

And for many, it will be a hybrid. A mix of passion and pragmatism. A job that pays the bills alongside side hustles or passive income streams that create freedom over time.

There’s no single right answer.

But there is a wrong starting point.

If you skip purpose, identity, and connection and go straight to finances, three things tend to happen.

First, you lose time. Years—sometimes decades—spent building a life that doesn’t quite feel like yours.

Second, you assume you’ll get to enjoy it later. But later isn’t guaranteed. My father died at 40. Financial independence is a powerful goal, but it’s also a deferred one. And deferring your entire life is a risky bet.

Third, even if you reach financial independence, you may find yourself stuck. You’ve spent so long optimizing for money that you’ve never practiced anything else. Purpose feels vague. Identity feels unclear. Connection feels intimidating.

So you go back to what you know. You keep working. Not because you have to, but because you don’t know what else to do. That’s the quiet tragedy of getting exactly what you thought you wanted.

So yes, I’m a personal finance guy telling you to worry a little less about your finances.

At least for now.

Spend time deciding who you want to be. Spend time exploring what excites you. Spend time finding the people who make you feel more like yourself.

Then build a financial life that supports that.

Because in the end, the timing of financial independence matters a lot less than the quality of the life you’re living along the way.

Did you catch this week’s episode of Earn & Invest (Click to listen)?

The Purpose Code is Now Available!