This weekend, I spent a glorious few days at Lake Winnipesaukee, New Hampshire, attending the SlowFI retreat with Jess and Corey from the Fioneers. SlowFI, as you may recall, is not just about understanding your path to financial independence; it's about intentionally slowing down to design a lifestyle that fulfills you both today and tomorrow. I left this incredible conference feeling a mix of optimism and a touch of realism. Let’s explore the realism first.
Lifestyle Design is Hard!
At the retreat, I encountered countless individuals who I’d describe as being in the “messy middle.” This, in my opinion, echoes what Dr. Seuss so aptly called the waiting place—a space where our intentions are clear, but our actions are anything but easy. The messy middle is where you encounter your first roadblocks in building that dream business, where your financial independence plan reveals gaps in accounting for taxes, or where the job you thought you could ride to the finish line is instead draining you to the point of burnout.
The messy middle is reality. It’s the moment after you’ve taken your first few body blows, lying flat in the arena, using every ounce of energy and courage to lift your head. It’s the first inkling that perhaps you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.
Yet, I believe this is where true living begins. It’s the space where we can genuinely stretch ourselves and decide who we want to be as human beings. We are not defined by our successes or failures, nor by a material tally of possessions. When we are battling in the arena, we are in the process of becoming who we aspire to be. You can’t buy your way there. You can’t will yourself into happiness.
You have to become the doer of deeds. And that is hard. That…is the messy middle.
In all likelihood, you’ll spend much of your life there. But, unlike Dr. Seuss’s somber depiction, it doesn’t have to be the waiting place. You are not merely waiting to become the person you want to be or to accumulate achievements and accolades. You don’t have to live as a “once I have” or “once I am” automaton.
Instead, we must learn to embrace the battle. We need to view being in the arena as the experience itself, not merely a precursor to something else. We must shift our focus from lofty goals to little “p” purpose, immersing ourselves in the process.
And now, for the optimism: the messy middle isn’t messy at all; it’s beautiful, courageous, and awe-inspiring.
It’s time we stopped avoiding it and jumped in headfirst.
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Always loved the concept from William Bridges (from the book Transitions), where he says when in middle of something... you need to get INTO IT, not OUT OF IT.