If you looked at me during my residency or early days as a practicing physician, you probably would have seen a confident guy. I could walk into a hospital room, make a quick diagnosis, and speak with authority.
But if I’m being completely honest with you? It was a facade. Not a lie, exactly, but a fragile kind of confidence. It was entirely dependent on how my last patient interaction went, or whether my peers looked at me with approval.
We live in a culture that worships performance. We are taught from a young age that confidence is something you build by winning, achieving, and stacking up external validations.
But there’s a dark side to that. When your confidence is tied to your performance, you find yourself on a psychological hedonic treadmill. You’re constantly anxious, terrified of the next failure, and always wondering if you’re actually enough.
In the latest episode of Earn & Invest, we dive deep into this paradox. I break down my personal philosophy into a special “10 Things” segment on the true nature of self-confidence—and why most of us are looking for it in all the wrong places.
The Two Types of Confidence
Through my work with hospice patients and my own journey out of burnout, I’ve come to realize that confidence actually splits into two very distinct categories:
Short-Term Confidence: This is performance-based. It’s how well you deliver a speech, how you carry yourself in a meeting, or how you look to others. It’s highly attractive when we’re young, but relying on it long-term almost always leads to distress.
Long-Term Confidence: This is identity-based. It comes from a deep, unshakeable understanding of who you are, what your intentions are, and what your life goals mean to you. It needs absolutely no confirmation from the outside world.
Here is the truth we don’t talk about enough: Confidence has nothing to do with how you perform. It is about who you are.
As you age, you don’t necessarily “gain” confidence in the traditional sense. Instead, you lose uncertainty about your identity. You stop caring about the brief snapshots of your performance and start leaning into your internal compass.
And for the personal finance crowd reading this: no, reaching financial independence will not magically fix your self-esteem. Wealth only increases your confidence a little. True self-confidence must be built on identity and purpose, never on your net worth.
Community Segment: Do You Really Need a Financial Advisor?
We also tacked a great conversation brewing in our community lately: Do you actually need to hire a financial advisor?
The consensus might surprise you. While the accumulation phase—saving and investing your money—is relatively straightforward to DIY, the decumulation phase is a whole different beast. Spending your wealth in retirement, navigating tax brackets, and timing Social Security is incredibly complex.
But more than the math, we talk about why the right advisor isn’t just a spreadsheet manager. They are a mentor, a behavioral guardrail, and a life planner who helps you align your money with that long-term identity we talked about.
Whether you’re trying to figure out your next financial move or trying to untangle your self-worth from your net worth, this episode is for you.
Catch the full conversation on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What about you? Have you noticed your relationship with confidence changing as you’ve gotten older? Let me know in the comments below.